....and I say CUT!

First time.
Ganun pala talaga yun.
Akala ko kasi hindi ako magiging kagaya ng iba.
Ayoko maging corny eh.
Pero hindi mo pala mapipigilan.
Sabi nga nila, "it springs from within".

Biglang tumulo ang luha ko kanina ng hindi ko inaasahan,
Ang aking paghalakhak ay napalitan ng isang 'tila tinik na bumaon sa aking lalamunan.
"Nakakainis ka, pinapaiyak mo ako. Alam mo ba ngayon lang tayo nagkausap ulit ng ganito kahaba?"
At patuloy pa rin umagos ang mga luha sa kabila ng aking pagtawa.
Namiss ko ang boses mo.
Mas lalong namimiss ko na nagkikita at nagkakasama tayo.

Eto na 'to.
Ganito pala ang pakiramdam.
Corny nga daw ang mainlab.
Keber.
Wala naman batas ang nagbabawal maging kakaiba.
Sabi nga nila, "nagmamahal ka eh".

Miss na kita, sobra!
At hindi ko yun napigilan itago.
Di bale, sa isang linggo.
Isang mahigpit na yakap ang sasalubong sa'yo.

"When the heart decides to move on, it will never go back from where it left off."

......and the mushiness continue to come in ( i guess this is what happens when you terribly miss someone *sob*)...

Moving forward on my post, I'm glad that all's well now about my resignation.
Boss is understanding enough to let go of his kid to seek a "greener pasture" on the other side of Eastwood...este of the fence ;p
It took two loooooooong discussions before he finally accepted my letter.
All I need to do now is to endure his constant jokes about me leaving the company to sell noodles (sorry Boss its biscuits).

I'm excited to see what's coming for me in URC.
Yup, I will be joining the Gokongwei's soon.
What's there to hide? Almost everybody knows already..hehehe

I've received mixed reactions about me leaving my present company.
What about the car? How's the pay? Are you still a department head when you go there?
It sometimes annoys me that people tend to be superficial about finding the right career path.
Sure all these things matter but I see them as bonuses only.
While there is no such thing as a perfect job, a perfect company or a perfect boss, 
I do know that I can be the right employee to the right job in the right company.

As how I've said it to my boss, "I have a personal belief that if I decide on something, I will stand by it no matter what. This can be a huge mistake but I think i need to see that one for myself".

Thank you to those who have shown their sincerest and truest happiness for me.
You are the reasons on why I feel that I ALWAYS CAN DO IT.

Thanks and wish me luck!

Fighting!



 

There's really no easy way to say goodbye.

Now I believe in the saying na nagiging sarado ang utak ng tao kapag ayaw niya ang naririnig niya.
Much more if its about someone leaving with no definite plans of returning back.
If you are the person initiating the break-up, you will be left with dismay if the other person won't understand what you are driving at.
He will still be very positive about things.
He will still come-up with the most rational blah-blahs to stop you.
"It's manageable. It's a very shallow reason to leave. Give me a more concrete reason and I'll let you go."          

My heart tells me that I'm not happy anymore.
So I figured out that it's time to move on.

Kaya boss pwede ba? tanggapin mo na yung resignation ko?                                              

Meet my bag.

It's a mustard-colored bag from Chinese Laundry (got it on a 50% discount!).



Inside it, you will find these interesting pieces of junk...hehehe



from top to bottom..

- business card case
- company id
- hello kitty umbrella
- mini make-up kita (just in case feel ko mag-ayos ;p)
- pouch for cellphone chargers, USB cable, earphones
- VS Amber Romance
- my mom's pamaypay
- my wallet (J for John Lloyd! hahaha)
- my sony ericsson phone (sun sim)
- snacks (ZEBZEB! and skyflakes)
- comb
- hanky
- drawer keys
- 1 pc of Mentos candy
- tissue
- pencil case
- big notebook

So there, my bag. *bow*

I miss him so bad :c

Uwi ka na po... :'c

"i consider myself very lucky for i know the "HE" will never leave me... in everything that happens to me whether good or bad i accept is a blessing for there is always a reason bkit sya nangyari.. HE is my inspiration.. my guiding light.. (ASTIG!)Nver did HE gve me a trial that i almost giv up coz feeling ko hopeless case na sya.. HE protected me all my life.. LORD, thanks so much!!!! =)"-sarsdeguzman

A good friend is on her way back to her real home.

We might be feeling a great loss right at this moment but I know that she is in a far better and even happier place right now.

I visited her livejournal account upon hearing the news. I was saddened with what had happened to her but suddenly felt at peace when I know that she will always have that courageous and faithful spirit in her. The entry way back in 2005 said it all.

Sarah, I will always remember your cheerfulness and kind-hearted persona. You will always be in our prayers...

May you rest in peace...

 

I'm sorry

I didn't mean to take your life away that instantly.

Thank you because I feel like you have saved Kuya.

I know, I was never so fond of you but I do know how much you were loved by Ate Elma, Kuya Rody and Mama.

We will definitely miss your blue-gray eyes and the playful way you bond with Andy, Spencer, Candy and your best bud, Gerry.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..

May you rest in peace, Tom..

**********

Tom (The Siamese Cat), 01.2008-02.26.09

 

...and so he wouldn't let this day pass without a little something for me, too!

"Baby, sa totoo lang hindi yan talaga ang plano ko. Kaso wala akong makitang heart-shaped cake. Balak ko kasi yun ang ibigay sa'yo tapos pupunuin ko ng pangalan mo. Ano magiging dating sa'yo nun kung yun ang nareceive mo?"

"Hmmm...malalaman ko na galing pa rin sa'yo yun, d b?"

"Ay, mahina..hehehe"

"Oh shux! awwwwww.....I never thought of that!"

"Ano kinikilig ka na naman sken? tama na makita ka naman nina tita nangingiti na naman mag-isa (sabay tawa ng malakas)"

The cake is sweet but sweeter is the person who gave it to me.

Truly, plans don't usually work the way we want them to be but it never means less. Sometimes, what even happens is greater than what we expect.

Praying for more v-day sweetness to share..

I so love him!

At last, I can blog about it!

Oo, grabe talaga ako. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit pero bigla ko na lang naisip ang aking munting sorpresa habang ako ay nagddrive pauwi noong nakaraang linggo.

Last year, nasurprise ko cia. This year, dapat ganun ba ulit? At naglaro na naman ulit ang aking malikot na utak.

I love giving surprises and most importantly, I LOVE MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY. For me, its more rewarding and more fulfilling. Gifts and surprises are good, don't get me wrong, but if given a choice, mas gusto ko talaga na ako ang pasimuno ng kasiyahan.

"Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Grabe ka talaga!"

Kahit hndi thank-you o i love you ang una niyang nasabi when he received my surprise, alam ko it was a HUGE HIT again for me this year.

Sa taong pinili kong mahalin,

Hindi man "normal" ang kung anuman ang meron tayo,

Mas gugustuhin ko pa rin sumaya at masaktan, madapa at bumangon kasama ka.

Hindi ko kailangan na maging "perfect" ka o maging "perfect" ako sa'yo,

Ang importante, masaya tayo at siyempre..

Love natin ang isa't-isa.

Kung tayo ba talaga o hindi, walang nakakaalam.

Basta ang mahalaga ay kung ano ang alam natin sa ngayon.

*isang mahigpit na yakap*

 

Day 2 in SG.

Ang plano: Pumunta sa Queenstown para kumain sa IKEA at mag-shopping ng sapatos.

From Tampines mga 7 stations ang nilagpasan namin para makarating sa Queenstown. Masaya pala ang ganun, kahit sa pagmamasid lang mula sa bintana ng train, alam mo na napuntahan mo pa rin ang iba't-ibang lugar ng SG.

Parang isang maliit na mall ang IKEA. Wala kang ibang makikita kung hindi mga gamit pambahay. Naka-set up na parang tunay na kitchen, bedroom, office cubicle at nursery. Lahat ng nakalagay dun ay iyong mga binebenta ng mga gamit. Option mo kung bibilhin mo siya ng naka-package o paisa-isa lang. Para siyang solution center ng mga gamit pambahay.

Masarap ang kanilang chicken wings, french fries, cheesecake, shrimp salad at unlimited drinks of your choice. As usual, nagpakabusog na naman ako. Yun ang isa sa mga nagustuhan ko sa SG, lahat ng pagkain pwede ko kainin. Ang worry ko kasi before, baka puro gulay or spicy foods ang andun. I was even expecting na pagdating ko ng Manila ay pumayat ako ng kaunti kasi nga hndi ko magugustuhan ang mga pagkain dun.

Pero hndi yan ang kwento ko.

Gusto ko lang i-share ang napakasayang reunion namin ni Maricar. She's a good friend and classmate nung highschool. Naalala ko pa na dati pumupunta ako sa bahay nila para gumawa ng project. Siya rin yung madalas ko kakwentuhan tungkol sa aking "buhay pag-ibig" noon.

Hindi ko alam na nasa Singapore na pala cia. Sabi ko nga nung ngkita kmi, "Kaya pala missing in action ka ng matagal na. Wala akong balita sau."

To cut the story short, nagkagulatan kami ng magkita sa restroom ng IKEA. Tiyempo na kelangan ko na tlgang magbanyo at siya naman palabas na. Pagbukas ko ng pinto, laking gulat na lang namin na nagkakitaan kami..

"Sheena?"

medyo hindi siya agad nagsink-in sken pero after a few seconds..

"Omygad! Maricar! Omygad! Omygad!" sabay isang mahigpit na yakap.

"Sabi ko na nga ba ikaw yan Sheena! Nagulat ako!"

"Ako rin. Shux, ang saya naiiyak ako may nakita akong kakilala ko dito (sabay tawa ng malakas)"

"So san ka na nagwowork ngaun?"

"Sa Emperador Distillers, andito lang ako para magbakasyon kasama ng auntie at pinsan ko."

"Tlaga? E di manonood kayo ng Chinggay Parade?"

"Hindi ko pa alam kasi hanggang Sunday lang ako dito. Ikaw musta na?"

"Mag-one year na ako dito. Sa bank ako nagttrabho. PR na yung status ko. Grabe, ang tagal na natin hindi nagkita. Last time pa eh yung dinalaw kita sa hospital. Ang tagal na!"

"Kaya pala wla akong balita sa'yo andito ka na pala."

"Oo andito na ako. Si Daniel alam mo ba may anak na?"

"Talaga? Marami na nga sa atin may family na. Ako medyo matagal pa siguro. Ipon muna kasi mahirap ang buhay ngaun."

"Oo nga eh pero ako baka magpakasal na rin this year."

"Wow! Tlaga? Nasaan ba bf mo?"

"Nasa Pilipinas siya ngaun."

"Nice naman! Don't forget to invite me ha!"

Maikli lang ang naging kwentuhan namin pero isa yun sa mga pinakamasayang memories ko ng pagkakaibigan namin. It's a small world talaga.

Sa dami ng pinoy sa SG, sinong mag-aakala na muling magkakatagpo ang dalawang magkaibigan.

 

 

Gudluck, M.O! Always stay happy! (",)

 

 

 

Suddenly felt the rush of insecurity rushing through me..

It got me scared. How sure am I that's all's well between me and the important ones?

The what if's are starting to eat me up again..

Minsan mas mabuti pang hindi mo na lang makita, marinig, malaman at maramdaman ang mga hindi mo dapat makita, marinig, malaman at maramdaman.

Alam mo kung bakit?

Masasaktan ka lang.

Like wat I've told in my previous entry here, I almost ended the year with a heavy heart. I spent the few remaining hours of 2008 bitching, whining and hurting. Thank God for kids, they sure do know how to mend two warring hearts.

Dave spent the New Year's Eve with us. He was a bit cranky that night 'cause he's not feeling well. Good thing there's PSP and Papa Kanding around that he felt better. 

Mama Edna: Palit ka na ng damit kasi basa ka na ng pawis.

Dave: No,na. (he won't take notice of you if he's playing the PSP)

Mommy Pi: Naku, Ate Edna. Ilang araw na niya yan gusto suotin kaya hndi nia huhubarin yan.

Me: Ganda nga ng polo nia eh, bagay sa kanya. Gwapo nga ng baby ko eh!

Me: Ganda ng polo mo Dave ha! Bagay sau! Mukha kang binata na..

Dave (with such sincerity in his eyes and tone of his voice): Eh si Tito Noel ako eh!

I was stunned with what he said, then it all occurred to me. Noel always wears his signature polo, Noel is always prepped up whenever he leaves the house.

I laughed about the idea and fel the urge to text him with a hppy tone this time.

My two boys, God I love them both!

As how my friend put it in her blog dapat good vibes ang pasok ng taon.

Gusto ko isa-isahin ang lahat ng mga kaganapan bago magtapos ang taon pero iniiisip ko pa lang napapagod na naman ako. Just when i thought that it won't be a merry christmas and happy new year for me last year, i still got to enjoy the holiday season alot.

Ubos na ang aking pera (may utang pa dapat bayaran! hahahaha). Kahit amoy ng malulutong na papel wala na ang pitaka ko. Ang hirap talaga pag ikaw na ang naghahanapbuhay, hndi ka na binibigyan ng aginaldo. Buti na lang andyan si Papa Tots na naawa pa rin sken. Pero hndi mapapalitan nun ang kasiyahan na naibigay ko sa lahat ng mga taong nabahagian ko ng aking blessings last year. Yun para sa akin ang tunay na kayamanan. Iniisiip ko pa lang, gumagaan na ang pakiramdam ko.

Lasenggera na nga ata akong maituturing pero occassional lang naman ang pagiging basag ko. Nung pasko, inabot kmi ng 630am kakainom. Hindi pa kami nakuntento dahil sa dami ng nalaklak naming "The Bar" (promotion lang po sa aming bagong brand), nahiritan pa namin magpadeliver si Papa Tots ng breakfast meals sa Jollibee. Hndi ko alam kung pano ko pa npgkasya ang pagkain at alak sa sikmura ko kaya ayun major hangover kinabukasan. Hindi dun natapos ang aming basagan session, dahil nung New Year's Eve inabot naman kmi ng hanggang 730am sa paglaklak ng "Generoso Brandy" (ehem, brand ulit namin hahahaha). Tinaob namin ang 3 longneck magpipinsan at gaya ng nkagawian, ngbreakfast na naman kami sa malapit na tapsilugan. Ang tigas namin nun, basag kmi lahat pero nakaya pa namin magcommute. Naalala ko pa si Papa matalas tlagang nagising ng marining na aalis kmi, "Niko, sabihin mo sa Ate Sheena mo hndi ilalabas ang sasakyan ha!" Hindi ako ngdrive kasi hndi ko na rin tlga kaya, baka matulog na ako sa manibela pag pinilit ko pa. Nakakatawa kmi nun habang nsa jip "This is so nakakahiya pero ibblog ko ito," hirit ng isang pinsan ko. Basag na talaga kami hahahaha Pasencia na rin kina tita landa na hndi ko na nagawang harapin dahil hndi ko na kayang bumangon nung umaga at malaking pasasalamat sa toilet bowl namin na sumalo ng lahat ng alalaala ko nung pasko at bagong taon.

Muntik pang mgwakas ang taon na may sama ako ng loob sa taong mahal ko. Mula Dec30 hanggang Jan1, alam ko may mabigat na pakiramdam sa puso ko. Kirot na hndi ko na naman magawang mapaglabanan. Sakit na hindi ko dapat nararamdaman. Tinago ko ang mga luha sa ilalim ng kumot at patay na ilaw, sa pagpapanggap na ang mga tagpo sa Wowowee ay nakakaiyak at talagang nkakantig puso at sa pagtulog na parang ayw ko ng gumising. Malungkot kasi kaarawan niya nung Dec 31 pero medyo magulo kami. Mabuti na lang naayos kmi bago pumatak ang alas-dose, salamat sa pamangkin ko si Dave. Siya ang ang umayos sa gusot naming dalawa. Medyo may emote pa ng kaunti nung Jan 1 pero dahil ang lakas na naman ng hangover ko, naisip kong wag ng dagdagan pa ito.

Masaya dahil nagkaroon din kami ng reunion ni Aj, isa sa mga closest friend ko nung hayskul. Sa totoo lang, magkapitbahay kmi. Isang kalsada lang ang pagitan ng bahay ko at bahay nia pero dahil sa pareho kming busy sa trabaho, hndi namin magawang magkita at magchikahan. After ilang buwan (o taon ba?) ng pagpplano, natuloy din kmi sa Serendra. Sayang at wla si diane, naka-duty kasi si Nurse D.

Marami pa ako gustong ikwento kasi andami ko tlagang ginawa nung bakasyon. Sinulit hanggang sa huling sandali. Post ko na lang next time. Medyo masakit na ang daliri ko kaka-type.

(to be continued....)

 

 

 

                  So this is one of the reasons why my christmas  was so unique this year..

                                              Our Christmas Party..

"My only comment is about his family background, so he has twelve other siblings courtesy of his stepmom/stepdad? He wasn't able to explain it to me well."

"I usually don't ask them about their family background."

"Well you should."

That's bullshit.

A person can come from a dysfunctional family and become functional in a company.

A person can have 50+ half or a quarter siblings and work hard to feed them all.

It isn't the name or the family's history that makes a man.

It is how he created a name for himself by being at his best. Be it in his family life, career and friendship.

As a leader, it's simply about how one can give me a job well done.

It's about his unceasing willingness to learn.

It's about his life-learned values.

It's all about that.

 

This is an early year-ender update for me. I've got nothing left to do here so might as well think of something to blog about. I thought of 2008 and how it had been for me.

It wasn't a pretty good year, honestly.
Not good, I can say, because it brought forth so many changes which somehow provided me with the feeling that I am fully incapable of handling certain aspects of my life.

I found out that I have given some people the license to define who I am. That was a major blow, I just thought of it now.For a girl who is so certain of who she is and what she wants to achieve, I spent a section of my life, worrying about them. What a waste but its too late.

 "The past is history, tomorrow's a mystery, today is a gift that's why it is called the PRESENT."
-Kung Fu Panda. 
I wish I can live up to this saying very well. It's a sore not to. I think too much of his past, I worry about our future that our present tend to suffer. While he heals, I create my own scars. Funny isn't it?

I was a  loser too when it comes into handling my finances. I have sworn to save up this year yet I still  failed. 

I am not miserable, I'm just keeping things real ;p

There are still much to be thankful about, though:

- My family's complete this merry season, things have changed because we've grown alot but I will never trade them with anyone in the world! I love love love love them!
- Noel (we sometimes get hurt but more often we find love, we had a tough one but I'm glad we always have each other's back. I love you so much, my life....)
-Ashley (i know deep down that I have so much love for you, i'll do my best to keep things right)
-Kermit (you're a great buddy!)
-My newfound job 
-Friends for keeps
-Panganiban Family (in more ways than one, you always make me feel that I am already one of you)

Can't wait for 2009!


 

Papa: " Si Noel, di ko pa nakikilala yun ha! Umiinom ba yun?"

I almost choked when my father suddenly blurted out this question to me. My body felt so cold, my senses went blank. The feeling is totally different when daddies ask their daughters about their guys. It's creepy even if you are so sure that you completely know the reasons on why you fell for the person.

Me: " Ciempre umiinom yun kasi lalaki yun eh!" (huh?! paki-connect)

Papa: " Taga-tondo yun di ba? Hindi ba yun member ng sige-sige gang?" (then he laughed)

Me (bubble thoughts): Goodness gracious, when will he stop asking? cold sweats, cold sweats, a bucket of cold sweats...heart starts to palpitate..I gave him a nervous laugh.

Papa: " Ano bang ittwag na nia sken, Papa na?"

I sighed in relief.

 

 

Papa's going home after two years of working abroad. I'm so excited, I can't wait. He'll probably be surprised to see how much his kids have grown.

For one, Kuya's planning to get married next year. No definite place and date yet but he had openly talked about it to us. I'm happy for them and I know it's about time. He's turning 30 next year noh!

I, on the other hand, have loads of stories to tell. A better life to sum it all up. A better me after all that happened. Can't wait to schedule Noel's first meet and greet with him ;p

Noah is still the spoiled one (he's not a brat, though, just plain lazy). Our youngest is a binata now. Still going strong with Phoebe, still increasing in height, still gaining weight from too much eating and sleeping. He will definitely dread to be treated like a baby but I know he will always be my parents' favorite.

You'll have your adobong kambing once you get home.

See you soon!

shattered.

shaken.

shut up.